


Permission to Fuss

by Pers



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23155420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pers/pseuds/Pers
Summary: Poe is missing and Finn is worrying. He comes to a few realizations along the way.Set several months after The Last Jedi.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 3
Kudos: 54





	Permission to Fuss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vix_spes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/gifts).

> Thanks to slightlytookish for cheering me on.

Poe had been missing for five days. Five days and nights that seemed to blend into one another as Finn was getting increasingly worried and found it difficult to sleep. Whenever he did manage to fall asleep, he was plagued by nightmares of Poe getting tortured, or lying somewhere in a ditch, injured, with no help in sight, or even worse… But Finn didn’t dare to think about that.

It had been supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission in the Praadost system, a matter of flying in, getting the information, and getting out. But of course things were rarely that simple where Poe Dameron was concerned. He’d apparently received a tip about a nearby droid refurbishment factory doubling as a weapons factory for the First Order, and had decided to check it out. “It won’t take long,” was the last thing they’d heard from him over the radio.

That had been five days ago, and they hadn’t been able to re-establish contact with Poe after that. They kept trying to reach him at regular intervals, but so far, there had been no reply. General Organa had decided it was too risky to send another pilot after Poe, there were so precious few members of the Resistance left. All they could do was wait and keep trying to reach Poe.

Not knowing what had happened to Poe was the worst part of waiting. Finn understood the general’s reasoning of course, but that didn’t mean he liked it. In fact, he hated not being able to do anything about it, not being able to jump into a ship himself to go looking for his boyfriend. He’d never felt this useless before.

Finn tried to keep busy so that his thoughts wouldn’t dwell on the million awful things that could have happened to Poe. He took the big box of assorted fastenings and sorted the screws, nuts and bolts by size and shape. He almost did the same with the various tools needed for ship maintenance, but then Rose stopped him, letting him know in no uncertain terms that all the tools were already organized in the best way for the mechanics to do their job. 

So Finn settled for cleaning the tools, memorizing the names of them along the way. Then he cleaned all the Resistance blasters, taking care to fix any that were in need of repair. He took charge of getting all the flight suits cleaned and mended, but had to stop because the sight of Poe’s flight suit made him tear up. He polished BB-8 until the little droid was practically gleaming, then Finn went on to sweep, dust and clean, until his arms were sore. 

And still there was no communication from Poe, and Finn kept on worrying. Everyone on base was giving him pitying looks. Snap Wexley and Karé Kun both went up to him on separate occasions, clasping his shoulder and telling him to hang in there. A few brave souls had even tried to tell Finn not to worry. Finn snorted. Easier said than done. They didn’t know what it was like to fear for their loved one!

It was Rey who had kept him sane throughout the past five days. She hadn’t said anything when Poe went missing, she’d simply pulled Finn into a tight hug, and she’d rarely left his side since then. She kept him company as he cleaned, patiently repeating the names of the tools until Finn had memorized them. She made sure he ate. She even went so far as to enlist Chewbacca’s help to carry Finn to bed whenever she thought Finn needed sleep. Of course Finn wasn’t able to get much sleep before his nightmares began, but he still appreciated Rey’s efforts to help.

Chewbacca’s reaction had taken Finn by surprise. He hadn’t thought the wookiee particularly liked him, but Chewbacca had hugged Finn as tightly as Rey had, patting Finn’s head in a reassuring way. Finn was glad he could count the wookiee among his friends, but it didn’t stop him from worrying about Poe all the same. 

Poe had been missing for five days, and Finn finally decided it was time to do something about it. He would go and look for Poe, if no one else did. He could take the _Millennium Falcon_, all he needed was a pilot to fly the ship for him. 

Finn’s chest constricted when he thought of the last time he’d needed a pilot. Back then, he’d found Poe, the pilot who had turned out to be so much more, and had become to mean so much to Finn. And perhaps it had taken Poe going missing for Finn to realize the depth of his own feelings. He loved Poe, and he missed him so much it hurt.

But Poe wasn’t the only pilot he knew, was he? Rey knew how to pilot the _Millennium Falcon_ and she was his friend, so Finn was reasonably sure he’d be able to convince her to help him find Poe. General Organa wouldn’t approve, but Finn didn’t care. All he cared about was finding Poe. So he turned his thoughts to devising a plan how to sneak the _Millennium Falcon_ off base.

He decided to broach the subject with Rey first. And if he couldn’t convince her, he’d try his luck with Chewbacca. Now that he had seen there was a softer side to Chewie, the wookiee didn’t seem as intimidating anymore. Well, not quite.

“So, uhm, Rey,” Finn began as he scrubbed at a particularly resistant spot of grease on the floor.

“He’ll be fine,” Rey said as if guessing what he was going to say. Coming from her, it sounded like a certainty rather than an attempt to cheer him up. 

Finn sat up, his brush hovering in mid-air. “How do you know?”

Rey gave a shrug. “It won’t be the first time Poe got into trouble. He knows what he’s doing. Besides, I have a feeling he’ll be alright.”

“Still. I should be there for him,” Finn replied darkly, and resumed scrubbing. “Why did the general send him out on his own? I should have gone with him. I should be out there looking for him right now!” 

He threw the brush aside and covered his face with his hands. He took a few deep breaths, the smell of the mujafruit-scented cleaner blocking everything else out. “I hate feeling so helpless,” he mumbled through his fingers.

Rey put a hand on his shoulder. “If you really want to go and look for Poe, I will help you.”

Finn let his hands slide from his face and turned to look at Rey. “Thank you,” he said, clasping her hand. 

“Finn!” Finn looked up to see Rose come running towards them. “Finn! We’ve heard from Poe! He’s alive!”

“What?!” 

In his rush to get to his feet and follow Rose back to the command centre, Finn slipped on the wet floor and fell back down. His second attempt was thwarted by BB-8 rolling past him with an excited chirp, making Finn topple to the ground once more.

“Come on,” Rey told him with barely contained laughter, taking his hand and helping him up from the floor. She pulled him along, and Finn was grateful she was holding on to his hand because his legs were feeling unsteady all of a sudden. Poe was alive!

There was an excited buzz in the command centre, the relief at having heard from Poe clearly visible on every face. It had only been a brief communication before they had lost contact again, but at least it had been a sign of life. 

Lieutenant Connix played back the message for Finn, and though it was full of static, it sounded like music to his hears. Poe had said he had the information and was on his way back, then the connection had broken off once more.

Finn closed his eyes for a moment and breathed a sigh of relief. When he opened his eyes again, Rey was smiling at him, and Chewie patted his head again. Finn didn’t try to wave him off, he was too relieved at knowing Poe was alive. 

Poe had said he was on his way back, and all they could do was wait until then, or until they heard from him again. So Finn waited. 

Two hours later, Poe still hadn’t returned, and Finn felt the all too familiar feeling of worry building up inside him once more. He started pacing up and down the command centre, glancing at the radar screen every few seconds. 

“Are you sure that thing is working properly?” he asked Connix for the ninth time, and she waved him away in exasperation. 

Finally, _finally_, a small blip appeared on the radar, and there was another communication, Poe’s voice barely audible above the static noise. 

“… way … landing...”

Finn didn’t stop to listen if there was more, he started running towards the landing pad. He ran so fast he even overtook BB-8 who was headed in the same direction. He reached the landing pad just in time to see a ship approach, and stopped in his tracks. 

That wasn’t even a ship. It most definitely wasn’t the ship Poe had left in, which had been small but well maintained. No, this looked more like someone had taken spare pieces from various kinds of ships and welded them together in a haphazard way. Finn wasn’t even sure how it was able to keep in the air. Poe really was one hell of a pilot if he could fly that thing.

Finn winced as the ship landed on the ground with a loud crash and slid through the sand with smoke trailing behind it, until it finally came to rest just inches from a parked X-Wing. Smoke continued to pour from the rear, and soon obscured the whole ship. The shocked silence was broken by several people calling for fire extinguishers.

Finn started running towards the ship, all thoughts bent on getting Poe out of the wreck before it went up in flames completely. He inadvertently thought of the time they’d crash-landed on Jakku and he’d feared for Poe’s life, and he told himself to focus. 

A lone figure emerged from the smoke, and Finn slowed down, trying to make out the face. “Poe?” 

There was an echoing beep from BB-8, and they both rushed towards the figure. It was indeed Poe limping towards them, his shirt stained and torn. Poe’s face lit up when he spotted Finn, and he started limping faster.

“Poe!” Finn finally reached his boyfriend and pulled him into a hug. “You’re alive!”

There was a hiss of pain from Poe. “Careful, Finn.”

Finn pulled back and finally got a better look at his boyfriend. Poe’s face was a mess. A mix of blue, purple and green bruises covered the left side of his face, his left eye was black, and he had a cut above his right eye. Judging by the way Poe held himself, his face wasn’t the only part of his body where he was injured. He looked worse than when Finn had first come across him on the _Finalizer_.

Poe noticed the shocked expression on Finn’s face and gave him a weak smile. “Had a bit of a run-in with some smugglers,” he said by way of explanation. “I guess they didn’t like the look of me.”

Finn closed his eyes for a moment. If Poe hadn’t been injured, he would have shaken him by the shoulders. “What were you thinking?” he yelled instead. “You were supposed to get the information and come back, not take on every single criminal in the vicinity! You reckless idiot!” 

Because he could just imagine Poe mouthing off to the smugglers and earning himself an additional beating. Poe was giving him a guilty look, and Finn noticed that the people around them had drawn back, trying to give them some privacy. He took a few deep breaths.

“You’re supposed to be careful, not try and get yourself killed,” he continued in a softer voice, enveloping Poe in a gentle hug. “Because I love you, Poe, and I need you.”

Poe’s arms went around Finn to return the hug. “’m sorry,” he mumbled, resting his head against Finn’s shoulder. Finn involuntarily tightened his grip on his boyfriend, eliciting another hiss of pain from Poe. 

Poe was leaning more heavily against Finn now, barely able to keep himself upright. Finn glanced around and spotted the members of Black Squad standing awkwardly nearby. “Don’t just stand there!” he shouted at them. “Help me get him to the medbay!” 

Snap Wexley snapped to attention – Finn briefly wondered if that was how he got his nickname – and ran towards them. He helped Finn lower Poe down onto a waiting stretcher. Poe pressed something into Finn’s hand and Finn looked down to find a data stick.

The stretcher was lifted and Poe’s hand slipped from Finn’s. The medics started carrying the stretcher towards the medbay, BB-8 following on their heels. Finn stood rooted to the spot, unable to tell his legs to move. Someone took the data stick from his hand, and then there was General Organa, talking to him.

“Could I have a word, Finn?”

Finn glanced at her, then towards the stretcher that was almost out of sight already.

“There’s nothing else you can do for him right now. He’s in good hands, let the medics do their job,” the general told him, correctly interpreting his glance. “Walk with me.”

Finn nodded and followed her, albeit a little reluctantly. He wondered what the general wanted to talk to him about. Was she going to tell him off for yelling at her best pilot? The General gave him no indication of her intentions as she kept walking, eyes trained on a point in the faraway distance. Finn was getting more nervous by the minute. Was she already plotting to assign Finn to do sanitation work? 

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he finally asked. “If this is about me yelling at Poe...”

“Oh no.” The General waved her hand. “In fact, it was refreshing to have someone else yell at Commander Dameron for a change. No, that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

But she didn’t elaborate on what she wanted to talk about, so Finn resigned himself to walking beside her and waiting. 

“It’s never easy,” she finally said, “watching someone you love run headlong into danger. Not knowing whether they will make it back alive, having to wait… and worry.”

Finn’s head snapped around to look at her, and he almost stumbled over his own feet. The general was talking to him about worrying? She gave no indication of having noticed him staring, and just kept on walking. Finn had to hurry to keep up. 

What did the general know about worrying anyway? He asked himself, and then immediately answered his own question. Of course she knew about worrying. She’d been part of the Resistance for so long, she had seen many people – including her own husband – go off on dangerous missions, and some of them had never returned. Finn swallowed down the lump in his throat. At least Poe had returned in one piece.

Finn realized how selfish he’d been, behaving like he was the only one who worried about Poe. He suddenly saw the actions of the people around him in another light. People telling him not to worry, patting his shoulder – they’d been trying to help Finn in their own ways. Trying to show Finn that he wasn’t alone. And all he’d done was feel resentful towards them, including the general.

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Don’t be.” General Organa glanced towards him. “We all have to find our own ways to cope. And I have to say, the Resistance base has never been this clean!”

She smiled at Finn, and he found himself smiling back at her. How could he ever have thought her unfeeling?

“We always hope the generation after us will have a better life,” she continued. “It’s what we fight for. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out like we want them to.” She sighed. “So all we can do is carry on and hope for the best. Make the most of the time we have with our loved ones.”

Finn felt another lump in his throat, and he realized spending time with Poe was exactly what he wanted to do. He needed to see Poe. He needed to hold Poe and reassure himself that his boyfriend was alive and well. He took a deep breath and turned towards the general.

“Permission to go and fuss over my boyfriend?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

She gave him another smile. “Permission granted. In fact, I order you to fuss, and you may tell him I said so. Don’t let him get into trouble before he has sufficiently recovered.” 

Finn couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. “Easier said than done.”

“I’m sure you will do your best.”

Finn nodded, then turned to leave. After a few steps, he paused and turned towards the general again. “General – ”

She waved her hand again. “Please. You know I said you can call me Leia.”

“Leia, then,” Finn said with a smile. “Thank you.”

She nodded in acknowledgement, then made a shooing motion with her hands. “Go see to your boyfriend.”

So that’s what he did. 

Finn ran almost the whole way to the medbay, only waving in passing at the people congratulating him on Poe’s return. When he reached the room Poe was in, Finn slowed down, feeling nervous all of a sudden. He mentally shook himself. No matter how badly Poe had been hurt, Finn would be there for him. He took a deep breath, straightening his shoulders before entering the room.

Rey and BB-8 were already there. Rey was talking to the little droid in a low voice, and Finn was only able to overhear snatches of the conversation. 

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine,” Rey was telling the droid, obviously talking about Poe.

_Poe._

Finn stepped further into the room. His eyes searched for Poe and found him lying on one of the medbay beds, his eyes closed. He still looked badly bruised, but the fact that he’d been patched up with bacta strips and bandages, rather than having been put into a bacta tank, at least meant he wasn’t seriously injured. Finn sank down onto the chair next to the bed and reached out to take Poe’s right hand. Rey came to stand behind Finn and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“The medics said he’ll be fine,” she told him. “He’s resting right now.”

Finn nodded in acknowledgement. Seeing Poe like this had brought back all the worry of the previous days, and he didn’t trust himself to speak without revealing just how scared he’d been for his boyfriend. But perhaps he didn’t need to say anything, because Rey knew him better than most people. Her hand tightened on his shoulder.

“He’s going to be fine,” she repeated, and Finn nodded again. Rey gave his shoulder another squeeze, then she stepped away. 

“Come on, BB-8, let’s go,” she said, eliciting a chirp of protest from the droid. “I know. But they need some time alone. We can visit again tomorrow.”

There was another chirp from BB-8, then the sound of the swishing door, and Finn knew Rey and BB-8 had left. His fingers curled around Poe’s wrist, and Finn’s shoulders sagged with relief when he found a steady pulse. Poe was going to be fine.

Finn lost track of time as he continued to sit by Poe’s bedside and hold his hand. The first indication of Poe waking up was the twitching of his fingers. Slowly, his eyelids fluttered open and a small groan escaped him. 

“Finn?”

“Hey.” Finn squeezed Poe’s hand. “I’m here.”

Poe’s good eye focused on Finn, and he gave him a lopsided smile. “You are.”

“How are you feeling?”

There was another groan from Poe. “Everything hurts.”

Small wonder, given how bruised his face looked. Finn assumed the rest of Poe’s body was in a similar state, and that had to be considered a good outcome. Finn’s throat closed up again when he thought about what else could have happened to Poe. His hand tightened around Poe’s, and he had to close his eyes, trying to drive away the images that came with that thought. 

“Finn?”

Finn opened his eyes again and looked at his boyfriend. Poe’s forehead was wrinkled in a frown and he gave Finn a questioning look. Finn shook his head, he didn’t know yet how to put into words how he felt, so he settled for a different topic.

“Do you want me to get someone to give you something against the pain?”

“Nah, they already gave me something. I’ll be fine.”

Finn sighed, deciding to call for a medic if the painkillers didn’t kick in soon. In the meantime, he was curious how Poe had ended up in a state like this. “So what happened after we lost contact?”

Poe groaned again, but this time it sounded annoyed rather than pained. “Turns out it wasn’t a weapons factory but a cover for a spice smuggling operation. I ran into some smugglers, and they thought I was a spicerunner from a rivalling group, trying to encroach on their territory.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Finn replied with a snort. The thought of someone mistaking Poe for a spicerunner was just laughable. 

“You have no idea,” Poe said, rolling his eyes and wincing when that hurt. “But that’s a story for another day.” 

“So it was the smugglers who beat you?”

Poe gave a slight nod, wincing again. “They wanted me to give up the names of the people who’d sent me. Eventually, I managed to escape, steal a ship, and here I am.”

Finn thought of the piece of junk that Poe had arrived in. “You call that a ship?” 

“There wasn’t a whole lot of choice,” Poe said, closing his eyes, his words beginning to slur. “Was the best I could do.”

Finn sat up in alarm, finally realizing how much the conversation had tired Poe. “You need to rest!” 

He leaned over to adjust the pillow, straightening the blanket and tucking it in around Poe’s body. Poe tried to wave him away.

“Don’t fuss.”

Finn gave him a hard stare. “You were missing for five days, Poe. Five days when I didn’t know whether you were alive or dead. Five days I spent worrying.” He had to close his eyes for a moment, remembering the uncertainty of the past few days. “So, yes, I’m going to fuss and make sure you’re okay. General Leia gave me permission to fuss. In fact, she ordered me to fuss, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do!”

Poe had listened to Finn’s outburst in silence, and now he nodded his head in acknowledgement. “Alright,” he said quietly. 

Finn took Poe’s hand in his again and pressed a soft kiss against it. “I love you, Poe. Never forget that.” 

“Love you, too,” Poe replied, his eyes sliding shut. 

Finn reached up to run his hand through Poe’s hair, stroking Poe’s forehead with his thumb. He felt Poe relax under his ministrations and smiled. It was good to have his boyfriend back. 

“Finn?” Poe asked after a while, forcing his eyes open to look at Finn. “’m sorry for making you worry.”

“I know you didn’t mean to. It’s just, sometimes I wish you wouldn’t take so many unnecessary risks.”

“I thought it would help the Resistance. But if you want me to stop, I’ll – ”

“No,” Finn said. Because he knew deep down that Poe would always be a reckless idiot, just like Finn would always love Poe no matter what. Because Poe was _Finn’s_ reckless idiot. “Just – ” Finn sighed. “Promise me you’ll always try to come back to me?”

“I promise,” Poe said, squeezing Finn’s hand. 

Finn smiled at him. “Good. Now rest.”

But Poe kept tugging at Finn’s hand. “Come lie down beside me,” he said. 

“No, Poe. You need to rest.”

“I’ll rest better with you beside me,” Poe insisted. “Please?”

Finn closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the pleading look in Poe’s eyes. Poe had a knack for softening him with just a look, and Finn was determined to remain strong just this once. 

“Do I have to get Leia to order you?” Poe asked. “Because I will, you know. I’ll tell her you’re neglecting your boyfriend.”

Finn finally opened his eyes to throw Poe an exasperated look, and noticed again just how tired and bruised he looked. Finn wanted to hold him. But he also didn’t want to cause Poe any further pain by jostling him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“’m only bruised, not broken. Please?” Poe repeated, and the look he gave Finn finally melted Finn’s resolve.

“Alright.”

Poe slowly moved over to make room for Finn, wincing at each movement, and Finn almost regretted his decision. He lay down beside Poe, careful not to jostle him any more, and Poe leaned his head against Finn’s shoulder with a contented sigh. 

“Better,” he said, closing his eyes, and within minutes he was asleep. 

Finn watched the slow rise and fall of Poe’s chest, and smiled to himself. Yes, this was so much better. He hadn’t realized just how tense he’d been, but now he felt the tension leave his body with each breath Poe took. 

He felt his own eyes slide shut, and tightened his hold on Poe. Leia was right. They would make the most of the time they had together. Finn hoped it would be a long time.


End file.
